101 Dates with Captain Jack Harkness
by MelissaLianne
Summary: Cowritten with one of my best friends, Lady Clark-Weasley of Books. CJH has certainly led quite the 'exciting' life, what with fighting aliens and all, so it's only obvious that he's gone on a fair few dates! R&R much appriceated. Some slash to follow


**A/N:** _Just a little something Lady Clark-Weasley of Books and myself thought up before class today; what happens in a date with Captain Jack, and just how many dates has he been on? _

_We decided to co-write it together – and so the story begins! 101 dates with Captain Jack Harness, at your service! Hope you guys enjoy!_

**Chapter One: **  
Date #001 – Jack and the Doctor's Hand

A cheesy love song was playing in the background of the Hub that Monday evening, when Jack was preparing for his 'business meeting.' The sound of a lighter flicking being ignited was barely heard; John Lennon was turned up on high volume and didn't give a chance for any other noises to be distinguished. 'All you need is love; love is all you need…' Jack twirled around in his Sex God apron, lighting several candles as he danced. They say women were the best multitaskers, but Jack personally thought that was a load of –

'Spaghetti!'

Of course. He had forgotten to lay out the meals, the key factor of the evening! He strode towards the oven with a spark in his step, still humming along to the music. Dishing out the spaghetti bolognaise (which looked undercooked), he placed a satisfactory amount on each heart shaped plate before placing them carefully down onto the small wooden table. The table itself was covered with a classic red and white table cloth, and with the wine glasses full to the brim, and the hot meals served, Jack was quite pleased with himself. So far, the evening was turning out pleasantly!

He had spoken (or rather, flirted) with Gwen and Ianto and had convinced them both to leave early that evening; -- 'I've got a business meeting,' he had said, ushering them towards their coats, 'And I need my full attention, if you know what I mean.'

'Bloody hell Jack, I thought you had this business meeting earlier today when you tried to push us off at lunch…' Gwen was frowning.

'Change of circumstances – and I assure you, that's a good thing!' Jack flashed a winning grin at Ianto, who seemed to be more convinced than Gwen at that point.

'Oh-kayyy! See you tomorrow then, Jack.'

'Sure. Not if I see you first!'

Gwen rolled her eyes and pushed Ianto in the small of his back. 'Come on Ianto; let's get going before you forget were you live.'

'Alright!'

And so they'd both left, Ianto fidgeting and casting a last, longing look back at Jack, Gwen scowling and muttering. 'He only wants us gone so he can …'

But he lost track of them cruelly accurate words, as his watch-alarm bleeped. 'Better get ready for this date, then!'

And so here was, smothered in expensive aftershave and a posh suit, waiting at his little table in seclusion. The music continued to drift around the room as he sat, waiting. 'Come on… don't let me down…'

At that moment, the 'doorbell' rang. Jack leapt up from his seat and ran towards his office door, were, standing on the floor, was the Doctor's Hand. It was wearing a minute black suit and smelled vaguely of soy sauce…

'Glad you could make it!' Jack bent forwards to pick it up, but it skittered across the room, tapping its fingers in an agitated manner. 'Hey, hey, you want this as much as I do, fella, there's no pretending in th-at!'

The hand drooped slightly, fidgeting.

'Right… so, should we begin dinner, or am I gunna eat all of this myself?' Jack pointed towards the food, a grin on his face…

**Five hours later**

"and then I said, honey you had the most beautiful eyes, I can drown in them…" Jack slurred, he had just had the best evening in where many bottles of wine had been opened and it had resulted in many clothes being stripped - "You're a very sexy hand" Jack announced, "I want to marry you!"

The hand sighed as much as hanging out with Jack (so to speak) was fun, he couldn't help but dream about Rose, the hand itself was now plotting how to get its own sexy body so he could do many things with her...

"And we can have lots of hand babies…" Jack droned on sleepily.

This plans on getting a sexy body, tracking Rose down and do things that shouldn't be mentioned in the presence of a child (or Owen since he is a child in the mind) were pushed forward, there was no way he was letting Jack impregnate him.

"And we can make Ianto and Gwen godparents…"

Those irresponsible people? He had seen Gwen kill her pet fish for not feeding it and Ianto is a rather shifty character, no, he didn't like them at all.

"Or maybe Tosh and Owen…"

No not Owen, Owen was a child. Tosh maybe, he liked Tosh, she could rival him with her intelligence.

"And then we could buy a house with carpets…"

HELP! HELP NOW PLEASE SOMEONE!! He would take the Master over this.

"Goodnight love!" Jack snored.

_Oh just die already_, thought the hand in a depressed manner.


End file.
